Dear Annie: I am 67 years old and have not gotten along with my oldest daughter who is 48.
She got a job and moved back to our town six years ago with my three grandchildren. I let them live with me in a house I paid off 30 years ago and still pay taxes and insurance. His grandchildren are a 27-year-old with a job, a 20-year-old in the army, and a 16-year-old in high school.
I’m the only one paying anything for the house. My daughter who lives here and her 27 year old son refuses to contribute to taxes, insurance or upkeep. God protect me, charge them rent.
But the main problem is that they don’t talk to me. They want nothing to do with me. My daughter hates me, and she has taught the children to hate me. She said she wasn’t good when she was young and it’s true; I had a hard time leaving her abusive father.
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I was abused by my father as a child, and it put me in a bad place. I want them to buy the house for me to have a retirement fund or I want to sell it to make money but they just sit there like squatters. I am sad, hurt and angry because I did everything I could to help her get through college and help my granddaughter get through college.
They take everything they are given, but it is never enough. Please give me advice! – Tragedy in Mississippi
Dear Sorrow in Mississippi: This is not a good living situation for anyone involved. Your daughter is using you and you are not helping. It’s time to cut her loose and stop waiting for her to buy your home.
If you really think this should happen, tell her that. If she ignores you when she lives in your house and also tells her your grandchildren to be mean to you, find a realtor who will sell you the house. You can give your daughter the right of first refusal.
The deeper issue is that you were abused as a child and then as a wife who is a role model for your daughter and her children. Explain that to them. Say you’re no longer a victim.
You love them and want to have a relationship, but they have to change. Since the 48-year-old is your “first daughter,” do you have many children in your family that you can turn to for help and support? If so, contact them by all means.
Dear Annie: I suspected my husband was cheating on me again, so one day I followed him and caught him in the act. He was with his friend’s wife at the motel she ran.
However, I did not address them at the time. Instead, I called him and told him I wanted to meet him in town to get something to eat. He said no – he’s coming home.
Then I told him what I knew, and that the clothes would be in the hole – “Come and get them.” I’m done with it. I know he is with her. He came home and denied everything.
I saw him in the room with her so I threw him out. He is also doing drugs and dealing drugs. please advise. I think I’m done now, but it doesn’t fit a divorce. – Worried about Virginia
Dear Virginia, Until complete abstinence from drugs – both using and dealing – is hopeless. Find a good divorce attorney. You will be very happy with someone else in the future.